When your missionary is struggling, or comes home early

First: it’s common

The Church’s Adjusting to Missionary Life material says many new missionaries miss home, sleep poorly or question their decision in the first weeks, both at the MTC and again in the field. For most, these feelings ease with time. Transfers and new companions can bring them back for a while.

Sources: Adjusting to Missionary Life · Missionary Standards 4.3

If they’re homesick

• Listen first. Reply to the feeling before you offer fixes.
• Remind them it’s normal and usually temporary.
• Point to the basics the Church recommends: sleep, food, exercise, prayer and family support.
• Keep your own news warm but light, so home feels close without being a pull.

Sources: Missionary Standards 4.3 · Adjusting to Missionary Life

If it’s a companion problem

• Encourage them to talk kindly and directly with their companion first.
• District and zone leaders, Sister training leaders and the mission president are there to help.
• If a companion is ever abusive or they feel unsafe, they should ask the mission president for help, and in an emergency get to safety first.

Sources: Missionary Standards ch. 2 · Missionary Standards supplement

If they say they want to come home

• Stay calm and kind. Thank them for telling you.
• Encourage them to talk with their mission president. He is the right person to counsel with them.
• Don’t book travel or promise a ticket. Decisions about an early release are made by the mission president, stake president and Area Presidency together.
• Leave the release question with their leaders. It’s natural to want them home. The handbook asks families not to request a release for convenience, so the kindest help is to keep listening and point them to their mission president.

Sources: General Handbook 24 · Missionary Standards 3.9

Sample replies you can adapt

What not to say

• “You’ll embarrass the family.”
• “Just push through, everyone feels that way.” (Brushing it off can make them stop sharing.)
• “Come home, we’ll buy the ticket.”
• Comparisons with siblings or other missionaries.
• Big worries from home they can’t do anything about. If news needs attention, let the mission president know first.

When to contact the mission president

The Missionary Standards say that if family needs to reach a missionary, they should contact the mission president first. Reach out to him (through the mission office) when:

• your missionary mentions feeling unsafe, abuse, or a serious health problem, physical or emotional;
• there’s serious news from home, such as a death or illness in the family;
• your missionary tells you they want to come home;
• you’re worried and haven’t heard anything you’d expect to hear.

If someone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services first. If you don’t have the mission office number, your bishop can help you reach the mission.

Sources: Missionary Standards 3.9.1 · Missionary Standards ch. 2

If they come home early

• Call them a returned missionary. The Church’s counseling resources ask us to drop the “early-returned” label.
• Healing comes first. Don’t pressure a quick return to the field.
• Let feelings be what they are. Disappointment, embarrassment and grief are all common.
• Encourage them to stay in touch with their mission president and his wife if they’d like.
• Help with next steps: school, work, institute, the temple and friendships.
• Get care early. A priesthood blessing, prompt treatment for health needs and, where available, counseling through Family Services or community resources.
• Your ward can help. Invite them to pray, speak or share a testimony only if they want to.

If they want to return to service later, the stake president contacts the Missionary Department.

Sources: Counseling resources: returned missionaries · General Handbook 24.6.3

Next steps